Thanks for being here, Cody
by RoseWoodsPrettiestLiar
Summary: Zack's still hurting from his break-up with Maya and reflects on his relationship with her. Songfic "My immortal" by Evanescence. Cody is there for him... Rating because of a few bad words... Nothing too major.


**Thanks for being here, Cody **

Author's note : Hey all! I'm studying for my exams but I heard this song coming onto the radio just a few minutes ago and it inspired me to write a sequel to "Thanks for being here, Zack". I had promised some of you that I'd write one by the Christmas holidays but I couldn't keep from writing this one. Thanks for taking the time to read it and don't forget to review. I'd like to know what you think! I'm going for a mature Zack who's not afraid of feeling heartbroken and depressed.

This is my first songfic so don't kill me if it's no good!

Disclaimer : I don't own The Suite Life On Deck nor do I own the song "My immortal" by Evanescence.

In this fanfic : The SS Tipton has docked in NYC, Maya has left the ship immediately and so have Zack & Cody. Zack's still very heartbroken and doesn't know how to deal with this pain…

ZACK POV :

Hugging Maya had never felt so awkward than right at that moment. I had had a hard time getting out of my cabin after she broke up with me and I could barely keep my tears at bay when Bailey declared that she would not leave for Yale without Cody. My heart was broken into a million pieces and it felt like those sharp pieces were pulled one by one through the skin on my chest. When the graduation ceremony ended and we threw our hats into the air and everyone started hugging Maya was the first one who grabbed me and pulled me into the tightest embrace I had ever experienced. I didn't care.

When she finally let me go she looked up at me and I was surprised to see tears running over her cheeks. Knowing that she didn't like to be seen crying in front of our friends, from the time that I was allowed to call her my girlfriend, I pulled her into a secluded area behind the balloons positioned onto the deck.

"Maya, what… Why are you crying like you've just been told your favorite uncle has died?" I had stuttered.

"Zack, I… I… I just realized that this will be the last time we'll see each other… For at least 3 years… I… I'm going to miss you so much…" She had said through her tears.

I decided then and there that I would try and get her to stay.

"Maya," I had whispered. I had put my hand under her chin and tilted her head so I could look her into the eyes. "Don't go… We won't have to miss each other… Don't leave me here… We can go to the same college… We can move into the same dorm… Please…"

She had started crying hard hearing that.

"I can't, Zack. My suitcases are packed, my family's waiting for me with the ticket on the airport. I can't blow off an opportunity like that… But I'll come back for you… I'm going to be back…"

"When, Maya? When are you possibly going to come back? I barely survived Spring Break without you… How am I going to survive 3 years without you? What makes you think you won't fall in love with one of your colleagues and live your life there in Africa? What makes you think you would stop yourself from moving forward in your life for a guy like me?"

"Zack, don't say that. I love you. You know that! I put everything on the line for you! I came back from New York for you when you were in trouble at the Gemini project!"

"No, Maya. You don't love me. Not like Bailey loves my brother. Bailey is going to give her dream of going to Yale up for Cody. She's going with him to Brown. Besides, don't act like it was such a sacrifice for you! Tutweiler said you should stay in New York!"

"So, you're saying you didn't want to see me here when you arrived? Because I recall you running up to me and hugging me for like 20 minutes without letting me go! I believe that's the first time you shoved your tongue down my throat to make sure every guy on this boat knew I was taken! That night you kicked Allison out of the room and made her sleep with Bailey and London so you could shag the living daylights out of me!"

"I'm not saying I wasn't happy to see you! I was so relieved that you were there! I loved you! I still love you! I love you so much it hurts me physically! That's why I'm begging you, begging you Maya, to stay here with me! Please, please!"

By the time I had so profusely proclaimed my love for this stunning young woman in front of me, she wasn't the only one with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I can't, Zack," she had whispered. "I'm so so so so sorry… I really am…"

"I know you are," I knew she was. I really did. "But not enough to stay here…"

She took one last look at me and she turned around. Seeing her walking away from me made me lose my last bit of sanity and I had let out a scream or a howl – whatever you would've liked to call it – like I was being brutally murdered. And it really felt like that…

After maybe an hour or so I had finally run out of tears and I decided to go back up to the Sky Deck to leave with my family.

I saw Cody and Bailey still standing with their arms around each other smiling and softly whispering into each other's ears. I saw Woody and Allison sharing one last hug and one last passionate kiss before she had to leave with her parents. I saw Tutweiler looking dreamily at her ring and then her fiancé. And I felt like I was all alone.

Cody had noticed me standing there and immediately let go of Bailey. She had looked a bit confused but then must've noticed me because she immediately went over to my parents to pull them out of their conversation with… Maya?!

_What the hell? _I thought. _Isn't it bad enough that she had broken my heart? Now she has to go and seem sweet and innocent to my parents?!_

Cody had taken one look at my tear-stained face and gently took me by the elbow and brought me over to our suitcases. He took both of them and ushered me up the stairs and brought me to the waiting cab.

"We're Cody and Zack Martin." He had told the driver.

"I was wondering if you could take us to the Boston Tipton Hotel?"

The driver must've seen the dazed and disorientated look on my face and quickly got out of the car to put our suitcases in the trunk.

"What's going on with your brother? He took some kind of drugs or so?" He had sounded really concerned. Not at all judgmental so Cody had told him the truth.

"Broken heart."

The driver had nodded and started to drive us home.

I had taken one last look out of the window and I had seen Maya standing there…

_**I'm so sorry, Zack. **_She had mouthed. _**I love you.**_

I had closed my eyes and the tears started falling all over again.

The taxi driver had turned on the radio and a song had just come on… The song took me through my relationship with Maya and even though I knew I would regret it, I let myself be taken away with memories. I could cry and scream when I was alone later tonight. I didn't really feel like going to the baseball game later tonight.

_I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my  
Childish fears_

The first verse of the song had brought me back to the time before I even started dating Maya. One of the first memories my mind had set for me was the time I went out with that god-awful girl to take my mind of Maya when the "Zack-attack" was too cool to fall in love with a girl. I was so scared to actually feel something and put my heart out on the line for Maya to either pick it up and treasure it or for her to shatter it.

When I finally felt that I hated to be just a friend of hers in London's shoe submarine, I had felt so relieved to know that she felt the same way. That was the first of my times that I would show how far my feelings for her stretched…

_And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone_

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just to real  
There's just too much that  
time cannot  
erase_

The next memory was the first time Maya and I had been away from each other for more than a few days. It was time for the Christmas-holidays and the SS Tipton had docked in Miami. Most of us still had to take the plane to the Boston airport and Maya and I had settled together far away from all of our classmates to spend the little time left together.

"I'll miss you," I had whispered into her ear as she rested her head on my chest.

"I'll miss you too," she had said. She had taken my hand and intertwined our fingers.

"Promise me you won't find a hot girl in Boston and hook up with her while you're there?"

It had surprised me to find that she could sound so insecure. I tried to take a look at her, but she hid her face in my shirt.

"Can't promise anything, love," I had joked.

She had lifted her head from my chest and I was shocked that there were tears in her eyes.

"What ?" she had sounded so broken that my heart stopped from fear that I had hurt her.

"No, baby," I had put my hands around her face and forced her to look at me. "Baby, I was joking. Of course I'm not going to run off with some tart. Not after everything I went through to get you to be my girl. You're stuck with me, Maya. I can promise you that."

"Promise?" she still sounded so insecure that I decided to give her the present I had gotten her a little early.

"Promise. And I'll make sure no guy in New York will even think about going after you. They'll know you're mine…"

I had rummaged around a little in the pocket of my jeans and pulled out a little velvet box.

"Maya, this is something that proves that you, and only you, have my heart. I had given her the box and made her open it.

She had opened it and she had pulled out a small heart shaped locket.

"Zack…"

"Shh, open it…"

"It opens?"

"Yeah." Inside I had made the jeweler write ; "Because you're the piece of my soul that I didn't know existed. I love you… xxx Zack"

She had wrapped her arms around me and we sat like that for the rest of the flight.

Once at the airport, we had to say goodbye and leave with our families, knowing that we wouldn't get to hold each other until after New Year's.

_When you cried I'd  
wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream  
I'd fight away all of your fears_

Thanks to the second part of the chorus, I remembered the time Maya had run into my room in the middle of the night, tears streaming down her cheeks and throwing herself over my body and shaking me until I opened my eyes.

"Zack," she had sounded so relieved when I opened my eyes that I instantly knew this was no joke.

"Baby, what?" I had bolted upright, wrapped my arms around her, and pulled her next to me under the blankets.

"Bad dream," she had said while snuggling into my chest.

I had wanted to ask more, but she had fallen asleep right after that.

And at that moment, I knew I would never ever leave this girl's side until the day I would die.

_And I held your  
hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me_

When we had been dating for about 6 months, it seemed like it had been for like 6 years, so it was no surprise to anyone when she asked me to accompany her to her grandfather's funeral.

Her grandmother had asked her to read something at the service and halfway through the little moment I could see her hands starting to shake so badly that I had run up to her to finish what she started. I had seen that she needed me badly, and I had been there.

I had sworn that day to always be there…

_You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light_

Next came the memory of the night when we hung out with the other three couples. Maya and I, Cody and Bailey, Woody and Allison and London and Marcus.

We went dancing and Maya looked mesmerizing under the spots. I'm sure I drooled all over the floor that night…

_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me_

Since Maya and I broke up I haven't had a decent night's sleep. I keep seeing her face in my dreams… I keep hearing her laugh… I keep smelling her perfume wherever I go… It's been so much this last week that I've asked Cody to come sleep in my cabin. I had needed someone to wake me up when I'd started another one of my nightmares…

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just to real  
There's just too much that  
time cannot  
erase_

Every time I thought of Maya since we broke up it ended in tears. It seems like the gaping hole that she left behind when she took my heart with her, isn't able to close itself. It feels like in 10 years there's still going to be a hole that one day will probably swallow my whole being…

_When you cried I'd  
wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream  
I'd fight away all of your fears_

All those times she cried, for whatever reason, I'd been there to wipe her tears away.

All those times she screamed her lungs out of her body, I'd been there to kick the person's ass who had dared to upset My Maya…

_And I held your  
hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me_

All those times she wanted a hug or needed a bit of affection… All those times she started feeling a little homesick I held her. I caressed her face, stroked her hair, intertwined our fingers…

_I've tried so hard to  
tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along_

I had known she would leave me eventually. I had known that a girl like her would probably go off and do great stuff and that I would have to let her go.

And I had been ready for that. But since the day she had applied for the Peace Core I felt alone. Then I knew I had definitely lost her. And even though, she was still there with me, even though I could still feel the heat of her body when she fell asleep in my arms, even though I could still feel her lips pressed against mine, I felt alone…

_When you cried I'd  
wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream  
I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I held your  
hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me_

By the end of the song I had felt like I was choking on my own tears. I had failed to realize that we arrived at the front door of the Boston Tipton, I didn't hear Esteban's enthusiastic "Welcome back, not so little blond peoples anymore,", I hadn't felt Nia hugging me and I hadn't heard Arwin's ear-splitting shriek when he saw us.

I was completely numb. Knowing my brother, he would apologize for my behavior and tell everyone who had anxiously been waiting for our arrival that I was not feeling well.

When I eventually reached our apartment on the 23rd floor, I opened the door and walked straight into my bedroom and collapsed.

I started crying and letting out the screams that I had been holding back since Maya told me she was assigned to Chad.

I had so deeply fallen into my hellhole of heartbreak that I didn't notice my brother had entered the room until he sat next to me and pulled me into his arms.

"She said she loved me, but she still left me, Codes," I choked out. "She stood there, telling me, swearing me she loved me and yet she still left…"

"I know, Zackie… I know…" Cody shushed.

"Why, Codes? Is it my fault? Wasn't I a good enough boyfriend?"

"Zack, nooo… The way I saw you as Maya's boyfriend made me think I wasn't a good enough boyfriend for Bailey. The way you knew what she wanted even before she did… It was like you were meant to be her boyfriend. You made her so happy, Zackie. She told me she had never been that happy with anyone…"

"I tattooed her name on my back…"

"She told me… She saw it when you took your shirt off to take a shower…"

"Then why did she leave me? Isn't that the ultimate sign of love?"

"I don't know why she left you Zackie. But I know that if she doesn't come back for you, she's not worth your tears. She's a great girl, but if she doesn't realize how great a boyfriend you make, she doesn't deserve you."

"He's right, you know," I heard another voice.

_Mom, _was the only thing going through my head.

"Son," _dad… _"Maya came to talk to us when you had your fight. She gave us this…"

My dad put something on my bedside table and pulled me out of Cody's arms and into his.

"She promised she would never break my heart. She swore, dad. And yet, she did. I begged her to stay with me and she didn't listen."

"Baby," I felt a hand going through my hair. "I don't think Maya meant to break your heart. She wanted to set you free. So that you wouldn't have to keep waiting for her. So that you could continue with your life… You know what grandma used to say; _If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's meant to be yours. _That's what Maya did. She set you free…"

"I didn't want to be set free mom," I yelled at her. "I wanted to be there next to her, every step of her life. I wanted to be hooked on her… I wanted to be hers. I wanted to only flirt with her. I wanted to be able to say to every girl, woman or whatever that shows an interest in me; I'm sorry. I have found my soulmate. I've found the one I want to marry, want to have kids with, want to grow old with… I've found her…"

"But you never got the chance…" Cody whispered.

I could hear the tears in his voice. I guess since we were almost merged into one brain, we were more sensitive to each other's emotions…

"I'm so sorry baby…" mom whispered. "I had no idea your feeling for this girl ran so deep…"

"I'm sorry to mom, I shouldn't have yelled at you. It's just…"

"Your heart aches so much and you are going crazy because you can't make it stop that you just want to shout out your heartache to the world…" dad finished. "I know the feeling," he whispered for my ears only.

"Could you please leave me alone?" I whispered. "The only one I really want around me now is my twin… I don't mean that you can't understand me, but…"

"You're the one who helped your brother through his break-up and you want him to be the one to help you through yours…" mom smiled. "We get that…"

Dad smiled and got up. He bend down and whispered something in Cody's ear, but I really didn't have the energy left to care.

Mom and Dad left the room and Cody and I were alone.

"Zackie, remember what you said to me ? How I needed to sleep? You should too…"

"I can't, Codes. Her face, her voice, her perfume… It all haunts me… I can't sleep…"

"I had the same problem… But it helped me when you were there… Why don't you give it a shot?"

"Fine, but will you be here when I wake up?"

"Of course. I'm calling Woody and I'll make sure he gets the tickets so he can go see the ballgame with London and Bailey and Marcus. I'm sure you need me more than he does."

"Thanks for being here, Cody" was the last coherent thing I uttered.

"Anytime, big bro…" I heard. "Anytime…"


End file.
